Everyone seems so grown up at my age.  I know it's expected, but everyone just seems to be so mature.  Three guys I know just got enganed within one month.   The guy sitting behind me was drawing a greeting card for whom I found out was his kids.  I feel like I'm barely handling life.  I need to be more organized.  I need to grow up?  Or should I?  Should I just grow up because other people are?  Is life about how much money you can make, and accomplish, how much fun you've had, God? 

Life is really complicated.  Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down.  Sometimes I think I can do anything, other times I feel powerless.  It's kind of an odd predicament that we're all in.  We're all in pursuit of happiness but it is so incredibly hard to find.  I wonder if true happiness is really there or it's just some quixotic desire.  It isn't even really that logical.  I can feel unhappy and dissatisfied when I am completely aware that people have it worse elsewhere.  Just turn on the news and people all over are going through worse situations.  People are going through war, torn from their homes, family members killed, and I'm just mopin' about how hard life is...it doesn't make sense.  And sure I can say that for that exact same reason I shouldn't be sad or mad or dissatisfied, then it's just my fault for thinking that way and that's almost as bad.

 

Also, I am in my senior year of college and I'm yet to .  I too wonder if my idea of love is too ideal and that is why I'm a little afraid to try because of a fear of dissapointment.  It's crazy because people around me are getting married, even people who are younger than me.  Maybe it is out there, and I'm just not optimistic enough.  After all the only people who ever achieve great things do it out of a great belief and supreme optimism.  I'll listen to some song and it will describe to me what love is and it's some beautiful fulfilling experience.  But I guess it's best to believe that, I mean that's all a girl wants right?  A romantic, or atleast someone who can create that feeling.  But there is always reality to battle idealism.  I believe a lot of what people have relationships for is also for status, both guys and girls.  It seems to be generally acknowledged that social pressures call for guys to have the hottest looking girl, while girls try to get the guy that will have a good job.  At least when it comes to marriage. 

 

Anyways I guess my only option is to have idealism for love and see what transpires.

 

 

Is it better to have a set way to live life? or is it better to be open minded?

OK, I am going back to using this thing.  The purpose of this blog will be for me to be completely and 100% honest.  Many of us are not honest with good reason.  Being honest requires our feelings to be vulnerable.  It's a lot like that quote about falling in love.  Something about "being in love is giving the ability to hurt you to someone but trusting that they won't."  Well, considering that you are probably not going to meet me or know me in person unless we both decide to, that takes away the ability to hurt me yet I can still be honest through anonymity. 

 

I think everyone will be able to relate, they might not like what they read but not because they will be bored, more because we may be afraid of the truth, that is if it really is the truth.  The objective I believe in the end is the objective of everyones quite possibly and that is to be the best possible person I can be and help you do the same.  That is why I will put my thoughts out.  Thoughts on relationships, women (I am a straight guy, women may want to ask me questions and I will give real answers), life, the future, etc....

 

That being said, I am a senior in college studying business and want to be the best I can be, I hope you do too and will join me on my journey.  Thank you.

so I'm thinking about throwing my first birthday party since elementary school.  I can't decide if I should facebook the party or not.  I know a few people will come for sure, but I don't know if I should facebook it, meaning invite everyone I know online.  I have 361 friends on there, and obviously a small amount of those would actually come to the party.  I could select who is most likely to come, but then some people might feel left out.  I'm a little conscious of making it public the people who will deny the invitation as well.  And what if a lot of people come, would I be able to make a good impression on everyone else when I'm probably going to be trashed? (it will be my 21st)  hmmm... People may get the idea that I just want to get attention from people.  Which I hate that idea, even though it is true because it is my birthday party.

 

A small part of me doesn't want to have the party,

 

but a bigger part of me wants it to be huge and just invite as many people as possible.  These are things that all people are nervous about when they have parties.  which makes me want to say the hell with it and invite everyone. 

 

hmmm.